Home is Where the Heart Is
by Kyoshi7989
Summary: Four places that could have been home and the one place that never was. [Zutara]


_I. Fire_

It was the place Zuko grew up in; it was the one of the only places that he's ever felt loved. Naturally, it was the place that, if you had ever asked him, he would have called 'home.'

Good things, certainly, had taken place there. His first crush (Ty Lee, though he wouldn't admit it), the first firebending lesson, and, of course, the now-empty pond where he used to feed his turtle ducks. Zuko used to think that the palace had been graced with good luck that was blessed upon all of its inhabitants.

There were reminisces he could never place that used to echo through his head all through the day – gentle golden eyes and a soft lullaby lulling him into sleep as he snuggled into bed; the taste of roast duck on his tongue and the sound of laughter in his ears; the heavy scent of burnt wood in the air and smoke suffocating his breath, his every thought….

Zuko had thought to dwell in the palace forever, never having to venture out of its strong and sturdy walls or expand his oh-so-small view of the world.

Then the Agni Kai had ripped him apart from his family, as well as his so-called residence, and the palace was now no more a home then the shack where he had, however briefly, taken shelter.

(_But the memories clung to him like ghosts as he walked the empty halls, a haunting melody clinging to the back of his mind and ebbing away like the tide, like the ocean that reminds him so much of her._)

_II. Water_

The ship that Zuko and his crew traveled on was the one place he had never expected to dwell in for quite so long. But as the search for the avatar stretched on in vain and the days grew longer with the sun setting earlier and earlier on the horizon, it grew into a thing that had been forced upon him, but also one that was inevitable.

Uncle said that home was where the heart is, but if that was true then Zuko would be with his mother right now, wherever she was. But as the ship became familiar to him, Zuko began to, however slowly, realize it as a sort of half-home, a place for the time being.

The ocean stretched on for many miles around the ship as the waves parted to allow the metal monster through, and more than once, Zuko wondered if the ocean had begun to be accepted as home as well.

But then came the South Pole, and the avatar, and once more his beloved ship was but a tool to help him achieve his one true goal: the Fire Nation. For a brief moment as he step off the walkway, the small cluster of igloos _had_ seemed like home, perhaps a partially forgotten dream, but Zuko had brushed it off as but a result of the moment when his amber eyes had met the blue ones of the Water Tribe girl who's name he would not know for a while yet.

(_Yes, lurking, hiding, creeping into his thoughts, the way the sun glistened on the ice and the still-lingering hope in the air, longing for him to be an illusion and not a reality, the way she looked at him as her mouth formed one word, his new name: enemy._)

_IV. Air_

It had been odd, for certain, seeing so much sky surrounding him. It stretched for as far as one could see in every direction; it made things ridiculously bright; and there was more than once he couldn't resist being soured by the sight of it and the image of a cheerful airbender that never ceased to leave his mind.

In the desert, there had been an abundance of sky like nothing before, spreading its ridiculous amount of _blueness_ (_blue like that dress she wore, he remembers, and now wonders if that's why he couldn't stop looking at it)_ everywhere it could be seen.

The sand shifted beneath his feet, unstable and always changing, always stabbing you in the back, like the world Zuko was so used to. There was no way to say which way it would take you next, or what direction you would go in. Here, the sand was boss. Here, the _sand_ controlled _you_.

Obviously why Zuko preferred the sky immensely. After all, he had spent so much time in the desert already, it seemed like there was no chance of escape, now way out.

To say the least, Zuko was very glad when they finally got to the forest and he had solid earth beneath his feet.

And at least here, the patches of sky were small enough to escape notice.

The sky couldn't have been stayed home for long, but it was a roof to go under. It took a little while for Zuko to realize that, unlike your average roof, the sky was _everywhere_.

Too bad the sky belonged to the airbenders.

(_Now, Zuko recalls once dreaming about something akin to an airbender temple while tracking the Avatar in the beginning – fallen towers, scattered bones, like a graveyard of lost souls, and remembers a knot twisting in his stomach at the thought:_ _My people did this….)_

_III. Earth_

It felt more like a prison than a city – walls were everywhere, tying, binding, just waiting to be torn down. The stench of rotten meat and dirty flesh wafted through the windows, causing Zuko's stomach to heave during the first few days there.

But as he walked the cobblestone streets, the sun beating down and the reassuring thud of footsteps around him, sometimes he would forget how much Prince Zuko was supposed to hate Ba Sing Se.

And there was no use denying he had learned the streets of the city well – darkened, shadowy alleys; crooked, twisting paths through the narrow space between apartments; old, worn back roads with vines growing above, blocking out the sunlight that would have fallen through otherwise.

In fact, Zuko was just growing used to the idea of living the rest of his life in that new apartment with his Uncle, until the fiasco in the caverns.

Even though there was hardly a moment (_once, twice, too many to count_) when thoughts of the Fire Nation left his mind, he couldn't help feeling slightly guilty at bringing about its downfall.

(_Suffocating him, memories, the glow of the green crystals illuminating her face, the feeling of soft fingers laying to rest on his cheek and compassionate blue eyes that never lost their brightness….)_

_V. Fire_

Now he realizes, walking through these halls once more, that there were four chances he had to make a home: fire, water, earth, air (_dimly he realizes that fate has not even had the courtesy to put the elements in the right order_). One that he had to leave; one he chose to deny; one that couldn't be escaped; and one that Zuko himself destroyed.

The wood mahogany gleams as he runs his fingers over the door to his room (_what _was_ his room – it wouldn't really surprise him if Azula had turned it into a torture chamber_) and tries not to think of all the people he left behind to get here. A hand rests on his shoulder, and her turns to see Mai, an understanding look in her eyes.

Zuko forces himself to look into her amber eyes (_all wants to see is blue, blue, blue, but what he wants he cannot have_) and tell her _Thank you _(_even though he longs to say those words to the person who really deserves to hear them_).

Later, as he lies in bed that night, Zuko notices that he can hear the water lapping the shore just beyond the palace. The windows are closed as soon as he realizes that they were ever open, but he can still see the moonlight through the blinds, the moon that represents her people.

Needless to say, Zuko's first night back in the Fire Nation was spent in darkness.

(_It is a moment before he remembered her name (Katara), and Zuko is forced to wonder how many nights like this will pass before he is able to sleep without turning away from the burnt and charred lock of dark, brown hair on his dresser._)

* * *

Okay, see, Zuko found a lock of Katara's hair and brought it back with him to the Fire Nation, in case that last sentence doesn't make sense.

I tried to make it as Zutara-y as I could...

What did you guys think of it?


End file.
